I'm sick of dealing with Anthony. Admittedly, the problem isn't just with him; there are other issues we as a family deal with as well that trouble me, but they can generally be traced to his autism.

Anthony today urinated twice on his bedroom floor and again smeared feces on his shirt after being left on the toilet a short time. Up until recently, I could leave him in the bathroom for extended periods--because it has often taken him a while to do what he needed--and go to check him later. That was a more efficient use of my time than staying there with him. I don't know if Miralax has cleaned him out and he will now be able to have bowel movements regularly like most people. I suspect that is not the case, but I have certainly been wrong about the effect it would have on him to this point; Anthony has gone these many years with nothing working very well. For the time being, anyway, I will take something to read and stay in the bathroom with him.



I was working on tax returns today and was pleased with the amount we would get back. We finally bought a house this last year, having been unable to for many years due to either indebtedness or lack of income to match housing prices where we lived in one of the more expensive regions of the country. We have been finishing a basement room and are looking for appropriate flooring. I thought that the amount of taxes to be returned to us would easily pay for the flooring and additionally allow us to do some other things necessary for the house, and, in fact, it would. However, we have been dipping into our meager savings to cover common medical expenses (mostly dental), and my wife suggested that it would be wise to replenish those savings for a small cushion first.

I am weary of not having enough money. The reason I write this is that our situation is likely not unusual for parents of autistic children. We, like many others for their children, did everything we could to provide Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy for Anthony when we learned that it could make a significant difference. We diverted all the money we could, even going into debt to pay for therapists (my wife learned the therapy techniques and did what she could as well). In the end, we ran out of resources, and Anthony was not progressing so much that we could justify continuing at our minimal rate. Later, as we were paying off debts, my firm sold its assets to another and released its employees. I got a new job in another state two months after my severance had expired--we lived with my parents after payments stopped--but our income did not exceed normal living expenses to the extent that we could keep up with debt repayment. After eight long years of trying, we were left with no alternative to bankruptcy.

That choice was anathema to us. We felt we should do everything in our power to avoid that, as indicated by the length of time we spent fighting it. In the end, however, we wondered if we should have pursued that course years earlier. Not doing so has put us significantly behind where we should be with savings for our other children's future education, and for our own retirement.