An aspect of life with Anthony that is perhaps not as difficult to endure as some but is nevertheless wearisome, is that the scope of activities available to us as a family is limited to those where Anthony's antics will not draw undue attention. That generally means looking for outdoor venues with either a fair amount of ambient sound or plenty of space between people. More often than not, it means we simply avoid going out together. Or, we sometimes end up doing things that are ultimately uninteresting, like navigating a corn maze as we did yesterday.

We tried going to see Toy Story 3 at a second-run theater recently, thinking that if a large tub of (inordinately expensive) popcorn plus soda did not keep Anthony quiet enough even for a building likely filled with smaller children, we could at least take him to stand in the back for the balance of the movie. That turned out to be precisely what happened, but I discovered the extent to which I apparently no longer notice the noise Anthony makes when a younger father sitting in the back row asked if we could be quieter.

Our daughter was disappointed later because she has also tired of the trouble we have in finishing activities together. Whether it is a movie or one of our children's individual recitals or orchestra performances from which I must withdraw with Anthony, we are accustomed to the improbability of having a normal outing.

We of course have asked family members in particular to stay with Anthony while the other four of us go out. That duty has usually fallen to my long-suffering mother, who has endured bites and head-butts too numerous to count. Naturally, we don't want to ask her any more than absolutely necessary, and we try to take him to my parents' house (some distance away) only when my father is available as well.

The ideal situation would be to have an adult male watch Anthony, but we don't see that happening any time soon. We live in an area that has little in the way of public services in that regard, and asking acquaintances would present another set of problems because of concerns about liability if Anthony does happen to attack--unlikely with a male, but not impossible--and reticence of others in dealing with the unknown. I myself would be hesitant to sit with someone else's autistic child despite having one of my own; it is understandable that our friends would be even less comfortable with the idea than I am.

Our younger son started playing soccer about a year ago, and immediately displayed something of a knack for it. His defensive play in particular compares favorably to that of the rest of his competitive league team, to the extent that we frequently see the opposing side score as soon as he is substituted out. That proficiency has come with a price, though; the coach abandons assurances to let him play other positions whenever the team falls behind.

I write this in a blog about Anthony because, although I mentioned in my last post that I don't compare him much to his siblings, I have wondered if Anthony also would do well at soccer if he were normal. I once, a few years ago, tried to have him kick a soccer ball at a park. To my surprise, he started kicking it with his instep. Most children kick initially with their toe--I still have to coach my younger son against that. Being a dad who loves sports, and hoping for anything that might engage an autistic child, I encouraged Anthony to keep kicking it. Alas, he became upset rather quickly when I tried to persuade him to continue.


I had not attempted to get Anthony to kick a ball since then, until I recently took him with me to his brother's practice. There, to keep him occupied, I passed the ball with him around the field while I simultaneously monitored the team's activity. Once again, he kicked reasonably well with his instep, and even sometimes with his outstep. But, he clearly had little comprehension of why we were doing it, and did not care for me urging him on.

Incidentally, I had taken Anthony with me so that my wife could volunteer at a school function. However, he made enough noise at practice that, even trying to keep him a distance from the action, he sometimes distracted the players. It of course didn't bother our younger son, but his teammates would stop what they were doing to look curiously. That's not what the kids need, and I might not welcome it if I were the coach. So, Anthony now stays home.